Updated: Mar 27, 2020
My hopes for 2020 and the three week hiatus!
It's been 3 weeks since I last wrote anything on my blog and I'll be honest, it wasn't a conscious decision. I've been enjoying making weekly updates on here for my own sanity. But Christmas really did send me into a bit of a whirlwind and I really felt like I didn't have time for everything. I'm sure a lot of folks feel the same at that time of year.
Work was actually really getting on top of me for the first time in years and I felt a lot of pressure. Social situations were also aplenty (which was no bad thing) but I did feel like we over committed on a couple of occasions. Living between 2 cities can be hard at Christmas with half of our friends and family in Bristol and the other half in Wales.
One of the major reasons things got hectic was that we were planning a trip to New Zealand. We've both always wanted to go and I'm actually writing this blog from a remote Air BnB with a glass of wine in Abel Tasman while the weather has gone moody. Sounds horrendous doesn't it? 😂
We were so desperate for a break that I do wonder if work and everything else just felt extra stressful because we had to gear up for not being at home for most of January. I'll also be very honest, it's taken me a good while to relax properly and I still don't think I'm 100% there just yet. We've had an amazing time but there's lots to see and do and we're trying to pack in the main sights on both islands assuming it's a trip of a lifetime. Tom has done a lot of driving for us which means he's tried and I'm a tired passenger. We're on night one of a 3 night stay here in the North of the South Island so hoping we get some really good sun and beach time before the next stint.
The main point of the trip for was one last massive hurrah before we start ICSI in February and it's been on my mind a lot this trip. I almost feel like I'm counting down the days until we start and I'm not sure if that counts as putting undue pressure on it. But it's hard not to think about when you have time away from home and work and look ahead at what's to come on your return.
I suppose that I so desperately want it to work that I get carried away with over planning. It's like: "Well if this works then I'll be pregnant by March." Or "what shall we do if it doesn't work, where do we go from there?" I also feel like I've put on a lot of weight over the festive period and since I'm on holiday too there's not much hope for a bikini body on my return! On a serious note, this worries me for my healthy start to ICSI and whether or not it'll impact the result.
I suppose my 2020 hopes follow the lines of the usual clichés; we had a tough 2019 with revelations that we never thought possible. A really testing year for us both. We want 2020 to be happy, healthy, successful and do more for ourselves. In actual real terms, we want to be pregnant, travel more and worry less about work. So New Zealand at least ticks one of those boxes for us so far and it really has been amazing. When I look through my camera roll at what we've seen, it almost doesn't feel real! We've got friends here too which has been amazing. One of Tom's best friends, so he's had really important quality time.
In the next month or so I am nervous, excited, desperate and level headed all at the same time. I'd love to hear from folks who have felt apprehensive before their ICSI or IVF journey and how you've managed to remain calm!
In the meantime, I'll be at the beach reading my 2nd book this holiday trying to lose myself in the moment as much as possible. Happy New Year to everyone but in particular the infertility community.