Updated: Mar 27, 2020

Sounds dramatic doesn't it?!

I'm not quite sure where to start this week. Important to note that besides some mental health issues and struggling to deal with anything outside of our little bubble, everything is going to be OK.

I was all ready to finish my current book and post up a review on Sunday for anyone who was interested and whilst I was in London enjoying a break with my sister on the weekend, Tom was taken to hospital seriously ill.

He hasn't felt very well for the last 2-3 weeks. He's had a cold and flu like symptoms and thought he just needed to rest (time of year speaks for itself). Unfortunately on Saturday evening an ambulance was called to the house as he had been vomiting up a high volume of blood (mother-in-law who was thankfully able to be there said it looked somewhat of a murder scene in our bathroom). I made it back from London on Sunday morning to be with him before an endoscopy which revealed a stomach ulcer that had burst a blood vessel so he had suffered from internal bleeding. The amazing NHS once again to the rescue, sealed it and injected adrenaline to prevent it spreading / getting worse. He's also had 5 pints of blood transfused over the course of the last few days to get his hemoglobin levels back up (he was at 40 something when he was admitted and you're supposed to be like 120 to be considered healthy).

So he is currently still in hospital and I have been at home, trying to work and trying not to lose my shit. I have had to miss a big event at work to be at the hospital which has been playing on my mind and am generally full of all sorts of worry.

As you may know from reading some of my other blog posts, Tom has suffered from cancer in the past and we have both admitted since we've had the true diagnosis that we initially thought it had returned. It hasn't and we can all breathe a massive sigh of relief. It has of course come with a warning that we need a lifestyle change. Stomach ulcers can be caused by stress... need I say more?

The doctor was however convinced that this particular ulcer was caused by an ibuprofen tablet possibly taken on an empty stomach. Have you ever heard of such a thing? It's sat in part of his stomach and essentially burnt a great big hole in it. The doctor was hugely damning of ibuprofen (which I rely on heavily to help reduce my endo bloat) and even said it's the worst drug out there. I have since rid the house of them and vowed only to take paracetamol from this point forward. He can't be sure it isn't stress related so we'll have to make our own assumptions.

Tom is doing much better today - we hope to bring him home tomorrow so he can then come to hospital with me!

That's right, I have my HSG tomorrow and dreading it. I am apprehensive because I don't know what to expect. I have antibiotics prescribed by the doctor as well as paracetamol which they have told me to take beforehand so all I keep thinking of is pain... I'm also feeling massively selfish writing and even thinking this when Tom is in his situation. There's just so many emotions flying around our house at the moment.

My job have given me this week as compassionate leave (although I have been on emails today and hope to be in the office by Friday), which has been a huge help and gratefully received. I'm finding it hard to compartmentalise my emotions today - haven't stopped crying but grateful for the support of family and friends. It's difficult to describe how we're both feeling but a large part of us wants to escape, give up all the stress of this and just be on a desert island without a care in the world. Situations like this can only serve to give you perspective and consider what's important and right now, that's only each other. Infertility and endometriosis can take a back seat (or fuck off is what I actually wanted to write).

So a few days later than planned, this is our latest update. Non-fertility related, but an update on our lives none-the-less.

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