ADOPTION AS AN OPTION

Updated: Mar 27, 2020

Collecting as much information as possible on our little journey

We haven't mentioned this to many people because it's been such a whirlwind since we found out that we're starting ICSI in February but whilst we're playing the waiting game I thought I'd share what we learnt.

We had an information session booked for early November following a couple of telephone interviews in the late Summer. Oddly as timing worked out, this was the day after my HSG follow up on which they confirmed us going forward to start ICSI so our mindset was a little bit muddled as we had already decided to go ahead and try our NHS funded round.

However, we were still really keen to find out more information as adoption has always appealed to me even before finding out that we were infertile. There seemed to be something a little more rewarding to provide a family, care and love to a child who otherwise may never experience it and I've always found it be an extremely selfless act for those who decide to head down this path.

The session was in an evening and the social workers seemed really friendly. I found it really interesting to see such a mixture of people at the session, but one thing that stood out was that Tom and I seemed to be the youngest there and made me wonder if this option is often considered as a last resort? I guess it's dependent on the people.

The slides were packed with information about the process, how long it might take, the several stages you go through before you're even signed off to adopt a child which honestly only left me quite frustrated, a bit of a kick in the teeth to couples who can't have their own children and then have to be vetted so hard to take care of someone else's. I do understand why but it's quite ironic, right?

Anyway, the best part of the session was at the end when you got to meet a couple who have been through the experience and they had adopted two brothers and have been living as a family for 4 years. It might have been my naivity and thinking of it as a bit of a fairytale but they mainly spoke about how difficult the whole thing is and how challenging it has been for them to become adoptive parents. It was really refreshing to hear about it first hand and for anyone considering adoption I think a really valuable experience. I couldn't help thinking that they really wanted to test your metal though but telling you all the worst parts of the process!

The adoptive mum spoke about her own naivity, imagining baking in the kitchen with the kids playing in the garden running in to give her a hug when in reality it took them around 6 months to trust her alongside being punched and kicked during the early years. Pretty eye opening stuff as you come to realise how much these kids go through before they even get to you as adoptive parents.

Overall, we had huge respect for that couple and it did give us an amazing insight but it probably came at the wrong time for us. We're really excited and nervous about our ICSI experience but it's one that we can't wait to try if it means we can become parents ourselves.

I've recently been reminded how much I want my own family when I'm watching "I'm a celebrity" and they all talk about how hard it is being away from their children and they've realised they don't ever want to leave them again... Heart wrenching stuff at the best of times, even more so when that's all you want for yourself.

As far as adoption goes, it isn't completely ruled out for us but we have to exhaust the opportunity we have on the table at the moment even if only to discover that we have no regrets.

I'm happy to share a bit more about the adoption process with anyone who's curious. We were given A LOT of information. And I hope I don't make it sound like a last resort option, for us we're just not in that headspace at the moment.

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