Updated: Mar 27, 2020

I thought it was all going a bit too easily.

Well here we are on the day of our baseline scan. Swinging our arms and whistling on our way into the clinic. Mr and Mrs Positivity.

Whilst I've had no symptoms throughout down regulations, my period turned up on Wednesday with avengence. The pain was unreal and it was really heavy. So I thought that was all I deserved for boasting about having a pain free, symptom free ride so far and just got on with it as best as I could even if it meant I had to lie down on my office floor for an hour with my legs in the air when I felt a bit light headed.

The period was so heavy in fact that I thought it must have done an excellent job at cleaning out my lining. So I was positive for a nice thin lining this afternoon.

We had our scan and she didn't really chat much. Just explained that I had some follicles on each ovary (6 right and 4 left) that weren't doing anything which is what we wanted. But she never commented on my lining so I asked her and all she said was 8.8mm. I was going next door for another meeting with another nurse to discuss it so kept the questions to myself for now. Bear in mind this is my first IVF cycle so I'm not aware how thin my lining should be at this stage.

Next nurse calls us in and explains my lining needs to be below 4mm for them to be happy to proceed onto next stage for stimulations. So queue a mild panic. We're going back on Wednesday for a further scan to see if it's gone down any more. If it hasn't then I have to take Norethisterone again and have another induced period (basically start again) to get rid of more of my lining.

That's not even the best bit...

On the scan, they also found my old mate Mr Fibroid. Sitting nice and big in my womb cavity. I've always known he was there because that's what delayed us starting our ICSI cycle and I had an MRI to scan for it and it never showed up so we proceeded anyway. Dearest nursey tells me that with its size and position, it would reduce the chances of implantation so my cycle may be paused after stimulation and any embryos frozen so I can have it removed first. Which would have to be on the NHS and probably delay us another 6 months. The nurse looked so embarrassed when I asked why I was allowed to start the cycle when they already knew this was there. I've left her speaking to the consultant this afternoon and calling me back, no phone call on that yet.

I'm not sure I've felt quite this low throughout the whole experience. I'm really annoyed that they've let us start the cycle knowing all along that the fibroid was there but continuing anyway. I'm also a bit fucked off that I've managed to stay so positive so far only to have life shit all over me once again when I just feel like I deserve a break. It's been three years of people having a good old look at my womb with various tools and I'm a bit sick of it all today. I'm really angry and upset. It was finally happening and now it's all up in the air again.

Furthermore, I've had to come home and listen to my neighbours kids screaming through the walls all afternoon which is driving me absolutely crazy. I'll never live in a terraced house again.

I feel like giving up. I'm not positive that my lining will be any thinner on Wednesday with my stage 4 endometriosis but just feel like I'm going along with everything now for the fun of it. The lack of control is the worst part.

So there we are. Reality is back to bite me on my big fat arse once again.

I need to cheer myself up tonight ready for Tom's birthday tomorrow so if anyone has been through something similar and come out the other end smiling I'd love to hear from you!

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