I thought I knew what tired was before...

I'm not writing this post looking for sympathy, but just to spread a little awareness of how easy it can be to let your guard down.

Last weekend, Tom had got his flu jab and was feeling a bit poorly so we decided to both do a lateral flow test at home, we keep some in the cupboard just in case. To my absolute shock, I tested positive (Tom was negative) so I tested again which was also positive. I had NO symptoms at all. On Monday 13th, I went for a PCR test which confirmed I was indeed positive and then the symptoms took hold. Initially I had what just felt like a cold, a bit snotty with a headache. But in the days that followed, the infamous cough took hold and my chest felt tight. The most upsetting symptom of all to me was that I completely lost my sense of taste and smell. It's not like when you have a cold and things can still be tasted or smelt faintly, it's literally like someone has removed the ability of either of those things from my body... bizarre and devastating as I sat crying into a box of Hotel Chocolat that someone bought me!

It's now Saturday, almost a week since my positive result and I certainly feel like 'the infected one'. Tom has taken Freddie to see his parents today whilst I get some rest. Childcare all week (whilst he's been working and I've been poorly) has been brutal. I really took for granted how easy it was to bundle Freddie into a pram and go on one of our daily walking adventures. The days have been looooong and I've found myself feeling so bored and worried that Freddie was bored too. Not to mention the overwhelming feeling of anxiety. Anxious that my symptoms would get worse and I would be bed bound, anxious that Freddie would catch it, anxious that Tom would catch it, anxious about where I might have caught it and who I might have given it to in the time before I knew I had it. Anxious that it might ruin yet another Christmas, a Christmas we have waited for, for so long. And not just because of Covid restrictions in years gone by, but the first with our little man, Freddie, that we thought we might never have! My isolation period ends on the 23rd December and I'm going to get another PCR test to confirm that I'm negative - fingers and toes firmly crossed.

I've beaten myself up a lot as Freddie had loads of Christmas plans this week (note my kid has more social occasions than me now thanks). His last messy play class, a Santa meet, an NCT party and general Christmassy frolics. Luckily Tom could take him to meet Santa on Wednesday so I didn't feel so bad.

I guess with my latest update, I wanted to share what I've learnt this week:

  1. Go get your vaccines! I am double vaccinated and still managed to get it. All I can think of is how much worse it might have been for me if I hadn't been vaccinated. I now can't have my booster until 28 days after Covid has gone. But I will be first in the queue when it's time.

  2. There's still so much we don't know about Covid. It's been frying my brain how Tom and Freddie have managed to avoid getting it from me all week. How it can affect 2 people so very differently with or without a vaccine. It's actually quite terrifying how much we still don't know.

  3. Childcare is the biggest ball ache I've ever encountered. Literally, this country is the absolute worst for supporting parents to go back to work after maternity leave. Our nursery's policy is that if ANYONE in your household is positive, then they can't attend. Freddie has been negative throughout.

  4. Children are pretty resilient little beings. Aside from screaming in my face when he's sick of the same Cbeebies show or when he's ready for a snack, he's coped with me hacking around the house pretty well.

I'm wishing everyone who reads a really safe, warm, special, long-awaited, fully vaccinated, boosted, tasty, pine and wine smelling Christmas. I also haven't forgotten to update you on everything that's happened with my career since having Freddie. I've been dying to write it all down, in fact, I've started it, but it's a bigger blog and I want to get it right.

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