Updated: Mar 27, 2020

Why I’ll never be angry at pregnancy announcements

I started this blog with the naivety that I would be one small number trying to spread the word about infertility and how it affects your life but then I discovered this amazing and huge online TTC (trying to conceive) community. Larger than I ever could have imagined and a safe place to share my musings, frustrations, good news and bad news. I’ve learnt a lot in a relatively short space of time from the stories of others that perhaps I wouldn’t have learnt from medical staff. Amazing.

However, there is a slightly darker side on occasions that has started to make me feel a tad uncomfortable or indeed because I struggle to relate to it. The meme above is just one example.

Now, don’t get me wrong. There is always a pang of jealousy when a Facebook friend announces they’re having a baby or share photos coming home from the maternity ward with their magical new lives that Tom and I so desperately crave. However, I don’t feel that I’m ever in that place where I despise them for sharing their good news. After all, isn’t it what everyone in the TTC community is striving for? We’re all working towards the same goal so it feels odd to then berate couples for reaching that goal.

Let me give some perspective. You and I have no idea about someone else’s journey unless they choose to share it. I have no idea what a school friend or work acquaintance has gone through to get pregnant and have a baby. For all I know they’ve experienced miscarriage, years of trying or maybe even thought it might never happen for them. Just like they would have no idea what I’m going through (unless they maybe read my blog!). So why on earth should we make them feel more isolated because of our jealousy?

Yeah infertility is fucking hard. Nobody is denying that. And all you can do is educate people so it becomes less of a stigma. But so is being a mum, you’re responsible for a human being- that’s pretty intense! You’ve now got to try and keep someone else alive as well yourself where I am sure you’ve worried about not even being able to keep your house plants going for longer than 6 months.

And there’s crap like this ☝🏻 Do you really want to lose friendships or damage relationships because you find it hard to be happy for someone else? I can’t get my head around it.

I’ve been to 2 baby showers since finding out it would be difficult for us to get pregnant and whilst I have found them harder than normal I do feel like I have to be in a place where those feeling should be set aside to help friends celebrate their lovely news. It’s such a gift that should absolutely be celebrated and I wouldn’t miss it for anything.

I suppose I’m saying it’s fine to say that you’re jealous or that you’re finding it hard to do baby related activities with friends but let’s not make them feel guilty for having children.

In life, there is always someone who has something that you want or living the life that you crave. Before I thought about having a family I would trawl travel blogs and marvel at their lives so carefree and feel envious of the photos of blue skies, crystal clear seas and tanned bodies (I still do this FYI). I don’t really see my fertility story as anything different. One day I will travel to those places on the blog if I can afford it or time allows me too. Or I won’t and instead I’ll enjoy being at home with the cat and reading a good book while it rains outside. One day I will become a mum, we’ll be a family unit and we’ll raise a child together. Or that won’t happen and instead I’ll marvel at my amazing friends and family who are raising their own families and be grateful that I am here to witness it and be part of it.

Moments like this are precious with this delightful little lady- Maddie- daughter of my friend Gemma. Taken at a friend’s house party last night. Maddie loves a selfie! Pictured here with my friend Milly and husband Tom in the background.

Just wanted to share my viewpoint on this and spread a little love this Sunday.

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