WE CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING

We got a positive pregnancy test this morning!

It's been a really strange week since I last wrote. I've actually been having what I thought was period pains so really convinced myself and Tom also believed that it wasn't going to work. I thought the period pains were a sign that I was going to start my period and that I wasn't bleeding yet because I was still taking Cyclogest. We've both been feeling that this whole experience has been such a slog that of course we'll get a negative result first time we transfer because it's us and that's just how things go!


We went to bed last night feeling OK. Slept pretty well until the early hours and then I gave in at 6.15am to do the test.


I did feel excited going to the bathroom but it's like I couldn't really allow myself to enjoy the moment because we thought it would be negative and we didn't want to fall so hard. So I was sort of on autopilot.


We bought Clear Blue tests, the ones that turn pink as you pee on them. So at first I was concentrating on my aim and to turn it pink as quickly as possible. Then I noticed a cross start to form instantly. And I panicked so I covered the result window with my thumb. I blinked a few times and shook my head and then took my thumb away and saw it again and started to scream for Tom, (he was in the bedroom because we agreed I'd pee and bring the test back to bed to watch it develop so we had no idea it would develop so quickly!).


And he ran in and I gave him the test with tears in my eyes and he looked at it and blinked too and was like: "no, no, it can't be." And then we both started crying / laughing. We couldn't really tell. And then he took the instructions and the test back into the bedroom while I washed my hands and we sat in the bed just stating at the result for what felt like ages and just looking at each other in complete bewilderment, hugging and kissing and saying FINALLY!


Then I shared the news with our nearest and dearest who've been with us on this journey. Which was such a strange feeling. Like, yes we're pregnant but we know we've got a long way to go. Anything can happen. But mostly it was feelings of pure joy and elation.


Really we should have known all along as Arthur hasn't left my side / lap / tummy. He's even sunbathing next to me in the garden today!


Tom has had to work today so the celebrations have been relatively short lived. We both also still can't quite believe it's happening at all. It doesn't feel real. Tom says it feels like a normal day but it's also not quite real. And I agree.


I feel worried, yes. Worried that we've got to get to 12 weeks without a hitch. But mostly, I feel so full of love. I feel so loved by friends, family, strangers on our Instagram community and Tom. I feel like anything could happen today and I wouldn't care because today I am pregnant and I'm going to fucking enjoy it. I'm going to sit back and soak up the happy, buzzy feeling that we might finally be on the road to building our family of two to three.


I feel really positive that this could even happen in the first place. We can actually get pregnant, it is possible. So whatever happens from this point, I'll always be pregnant in this moment and nobody can take it away from me, ever.


I also spoke to a nurse at BCRM at around 8.30am to confirm our news. She congratulated us and also confirmed that we're 4 weeks and 1 day pregnant today. We have our 7 week scan booked at the clinic on 14th July (my Mum's birthday). So that's our next little milestone to reach.


I've even worked out our due date as 2nd March using the Ovia app and Baby Barber is the size of a poppy seed!


So yes, I am fully immersed and enjoying the pregnant news.


Thank you to everyone who has supported us so far. I honestly believe we couldn't have got to this point without it, your well wishes, prayers and love. Don't give up on us yet!

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