Updated: Mar 27, 2020

My amazing husband and how lucky I am to have found him.

Yes, I know, super gushy and if you're not in the mood then just don't read the rest! I wanted to let the world know how much I love this man and how I couldn't have survived without him. But more importantly, raise awareness of how this can all affect the guy just as badly if not more.

It might be a bit judgmental of me to make a sweeping statement about men not being very good at sharing their feelings and you could argue that that's the reason I'm writing the blog and he isn't. However, there is a huge pressure on men to be 'the strong one' when things go wrong. Yes it's often the women who bear the physical scars and pain of infertility, but it doesn't mean that the emotional toll is less for the man.

I'm sure Tom won't mind me sharing his feelings of being a failure, pressure to perform, feeling the need to be the strong one or the motivator at times, pressure to feel positive, pressure to hide it away and not talk about the details and just state the facts, feelings of depression or anxiety. If any guys reading this have been through something similar then they surely have to hold their hands up to feeling the same - even if they don't say it out loud.

Tom has been amazing and I wouldn't wish to be going through this with anyone else but him. We deal with the bad days together. And so here's a cheesy little list of all the reasons why he's been amazing:

  • When discussing IVF, I asked him: "Do you think I'll be strong enough?" and his reply: "I think we'll be strong enough together." Forever reminding me we're in it together.

  • When we got the diagnosis of infertility, I told him it was OK if he wanted to leave me for someone else who might be able to give him a child. His response? "I didn't marry you so you could give me a baby, I married you because I'm madly in love with you and I don't want to spend my life with anyone else."

  • He will research things so hard to ensure we have enough information to make informed decisions together. All of the references in this blog entry, he found and shared with me.

  • He hasn't been afraid to talk to me or to ask for help when he's needed it. It's a big deal for him, not just because he's a guy.

  • If I need help, I know I can 100% rely on him to be there for me.

  • When discussing what we'd do if we can't have a family he suggested packing up the house, packing in the jobs and moving to a desert island where we sell coconuts for a living. Ideal!

The serious point I'm trying to make is to ensure you have a relationship where you can be honest with each other about how you're feeling. it's also not always plain sailing for us - we have our days where we argue or get on each others' nerves with it all. Talk about all of the possibilities that you face TOGETHER. Ladies - we're often thought of as the emotional ones, but don't forget he needs an outlet too. Tom has found the gym and tennis a great outlet to get rid of some aggression. He's recently started listening to some podcasts that he can identify with and has been recommended some books.

Talk to each other - it's the whole reason for my open diary x

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